Hoping Against Fate
by Jadet
Summary: My first IY ficcy, so please be gentle! It's set directly after episode 48 (the near breakup episode) when Kagome and Inu Yasha are walking back to Kaede's from the well, set in Kagome's POV. A little intense, but it has enough waff to even it out! ^.~


Disclaimers: I do not own Inu Yasha ::sigh:: though I really, REALLY wish I could say otherwise. Then I could do what I wanted with my little Inu-chan.... ::evil grin:: So, um, yeah. Don't own it, the characters, and never will. So back evil lawyers! You have no power over me!! ^_~  
  
Authors notes: Hello minna!! This is my first attempt at an Inu Yasha fic (tho I've been a HUGE fan for months now). I got this idea, as many fanfic authors do, by re-watching favorite episodes and muttering to myself how this or that scene had to be... *adjusted* because of certain evil, stupid people... ::coughKikyocough:: messing with things. So this idea was from the infamous (? Is that word even correct in a situation such as that episode?) Episode 48. Ya know, the one where it's looking like Inu and Kagome are on a doomed break-up train (boy do I HATE those things) all 'cause Kikyo had to go and screw with Inu Yasha's head. Well anyway, I watched that for the umpteenth time and suddenly thought, "How is it that after such a DRAMATIC episode between the two of them, everything seemed NORMAL in the next one?? This must be rectified!" And walla! A fanfic idea. So yeah, this endless fluff (interlaced with drama) that you are about to subject yourself to (hopefully without TOO many harsh feelings toward little ol' me... ^_^) is the product of an overactive imagination, a fierce longing for Inu Yasha and Kagome to get together (and Kikyo to die yet again... if that's possible, if not for her just to leave them alone), and, um, chocolate, the evil yet very loved creation of sweet seeking humans. Hope you enjoy, and please don't hesitate to email me your comments!! Jya!! ^.~  
  
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Hoping Against Fate   
An Inu Yasha Romance Fanfiction  
By Jadet  
Copyright 02'  
  
  
"Ne, Inu Yasha, what were you doing at the well before?"  
  
Inu Yasha turned to me with a slightly blank look on his face. We were walking from the aforementioned place towards Kaede-baachan's at that moment, still clasping hands as though loosing contact would be injuring to both to our persons, when that question leaked from my lips. Almost immediately I wanted to hit myself on the forehead for breaking the strained and almost painfully desperate silence that had descended since we had left the well. In a way, I guess that feeling was accurate. Just moments before we had teetered on the edge of breakup, with both of us unsure of which way we would lean our weight. Lean the wrong way and neither one of us would ever see the other again. Lean the right way and... well, end up walking back together hand in hand, closer than ever, yet further than we had ever been before. And no, that wasn't an exaggeration. Both of us have faced fatal danger before from a variety of sources (no joke!), but this last one was the most dangerous of all, and in a way ended up succeeding in separating us.  
  
He had chosen her, and despite my vow to stay with him forever, that forever had a time limit. My time with the man I loved all depended on when we could find Naraku, defeat him, and ultimately free Kikyo. Then, no matter how much I loved Inu Yasha, or even how much he cared for me, it was almost for sure that we would part forever. The thing I was really starting to become bitter about, even though I was fighting it with every once of my soul because I would _not_ sink to Naraku's level, is that I had lost even before I had started. I was 550 years too late.  
  
My thoughts were pulled back from that unpleasant reminder when Inu Yasha tightened his hold on my hand, and turned his eyes downward. My eyes traced the painfully clear discomfort and guilt on his face, and suddenly I felt more tears gather behind my eyes. But no, I refuse to cry anymore! It wasn't going to change anything, and I wanted whatever time we had left, however short it may be, to be happy. For both of us.  
  
I tugged on his hand with a smile, banishing any dark thoughts from my mind. When he turned to look at me, I brightened my smile and looked up at the sky above head. Almost mockingly it was a cheery blue color, white clouds of cotton drifting lazily in the light blue ocean that was the sky. Birds twittered happily in the trees surrounding us, a happy melody that joined with the wind to caress our souls. That last thought made me blink for a second before I grinned wider. I was becoming almost as bad as Miroku-sama in my musings!   
  
"Isn't today beautiful?" I asked, my voice surprisingly cheerful. Surprising only because earlier thoughts had been otherwise.  
  
Inu Yasha tore his eyes away from my face to look up at the sky. A soft smile twitched at his lips.   
  
"Aa."  
  
"This is one of the reason's I love coming to this time so much," I continued, swinging our joined hands slightly as we walked. "The weather is always so beautiful. Almost like a fairy tale, with its bright blue skies and fluffy white clouds!" I looked at Inu Yasha out of the corner of my eye and giggled softly.  
  
Inu Yasha raised an eyebrow. "Fluffy white clouds?"  
  
I smacked his arm with my free hand. "You know what I mean!"  
  
He turned his head away from my eyes. "Hmm."   
  
We walked for awhile in silence, me congratulating myself for fixing that bad situation and Inu Yasha... well who knows what he was thinking.  
  
It was just before the village came into view that Inu Yasha pulled me to a halt, his eyes once again fixated on the ground. I waited patiently (if you could call the bewildered and exasperated look on my face patient, but lets not go there) for him to speak.   
  
"What were the other reasons?" He mumbled almost inaudibly.  
  
I blinked. "Nani?"  
  
"What were the other reasons why you like coming here so much?" He muttered this a bit louder.  
  
I was still confused. What were my other reasons? Suddenly it hit me, and though he couldn't see it, staring so hard at the oh-so-interesting ground, a gentle smile curved my lips. Oh Inu Yasha....  
  
"Well," I said, keeping my voice light. "There's Sango-chan, and Shippo-chan, and Miroku-sama, and Kaede-baachan, and Kirara, and when we see him Kohaku-kun, and...."  
  
Inu Yasha jerked his head up, a feral growl I find endearing rumbling from his chest. "Kagome..." he warned.  
  
I suddenly leaned in close, my lips brushing his ear. "And of course, there's this baka named Inu Yasha that I also like to see once in awhile, depending on how much of a jerk he was last time I saw him...."  
  
It was Inu Yasha's turn to blink as I pulled back, a half mischievous, half sad smile on my face. How much longer would I be able to tease him like this? Or to see the cute face he makes when he's confused and trying to sort things out in that brick he called a head? Not for the first time, and no doubt not for the last time, I wondered what it might have been like if Kikyo hadn't existed. If Inu Yasha and I could have met in a different way, or even in a different time. But like all the other times I wondered that, I dismissed it. Inu Yasha was the person he was because of all he had to go through. His faults, along with the endearing qualities, all of which I love (though sometimes I have to wonder why), came from the experiences from day he had been born to the day I had met him. That included Kikyo, however frustrating that was. Actually, I probably had her to thank for some of the gentleness that I know dwells inside him. Ironic isn't it? The person I had to thank for watching over the man I fell in love with (even though the traits I most love are all from him, not her) was going to be the person who ultimately took him away. Sometimes, life just wasn't fair.  
  
"Kagome?"  
  
I jerked out of my thoughts for the second time that day, and looked at Inu Yasha's worried face. Oops, got caught daydreaming again.  
  
"Gomen!" I said and smiled. "What did you say?"  
  
He blushed, which kinda threw me truth be told. I don't think I've ever really seen him blush before! "Um, nothing. Never mind."  
  
Now I was interested. "No, really Inu Yasha, what did you say?"  
  
He shook his head violently and acquired that look I was all too familiar with. That one that said, "Don't push 'cause I'll just get nasty and mule-headed." With a slight frown I gave in, though none too gracefully.  
  
"Fine," I huffed, turning back towards the trail. Inu Yasha no baka! You shouldn't start to say things that you had no intention of finishing! I thought with a pout. "We should get...." A loud sigh interrupted me.  
  
"All I said was I'm glad you came back," Inu Yasha mumbled behind me, pulling me up short. With wide eyes I looked back at him.   
  
"Oh..." I said and then proceeded to smack myself mentally. Oh? Oh?! What the heck did I mean by OH?!? I searched my brain frantically for something else to say. When "I'm glad" slipped out it finally became clear. I was an idiot. I was a crazy, brainless, idiot. Whew, glad I got that covered.  
  
Inu Yasha looked up at me, his eyes somehow looking half narrowed, half wide. I think he was trying to decide if he should glare at me or just look at me in outright stupefaction. I personally voted for the latter.  
  
"You're glad?" He questioned, incredulous. Yep he went for the, "she's got to be crazy" look. Good, now we're on the same wave length.  
  
It was my turn to blush. "Um, I mean I'm glad that you're glad that I came back."   
  
Even to my ears I had no clue what I was saying, so his blank look wasn't a surprise. With frustration I ran my free hand through my hair, only briefly noting that my other hand was still caught up in that intimate hold with his.   
  
I let out a breath. Okay, let's try this one more time.   
  
"What I mean Inu Yasha, is that it makes me happy that you're glad that I'm here. It makes me feel..." I searched for the right words and came up with them surprising quick. With a soft smile, I continued.  
  
"It makes me feel like I'm home, Inu Yasha."  
  
His face was abnormally blank, so I talked like he hadn't reacted. Which now that I think about it, he didn't, but that isn't the point.  
  
"I know that after all of this is over, you and Kikyo..." I trailed off. Damn, my throat was closing up on me. I cleared it and went on, though my heart was dying with my every word. It's one thing to think these thoughts; it is another thing entirely to say them. "You and Kikyo will finally get that chance that Naraku took away from you. I'm just glad that I can be here with you until then, and it makes me very happy that you want me here with you Inu Yasha. And that's what feeling like you're home is all about, ne? Being wanted near by the people you care about."  
  
His eyes started becoming sad. "Kagome...."  
  
I interrupted him. I didn't, couldn't hear it right now. I had to get this off my chest, otherwise I would cry again. And wouldn't he love that? The big wuss.  
  
"And maybe, just maybe, during the time it takes to beat Naraku, things will change. Maybe situations will change."  
  
I knew there was a desperate hope in my voice; I could hear it even though I tried with all my might to sound nonchalant. After all, this wasn't what we needed now. Happy times now remember? I was supposed to be staying with him, by his side, so that I could be happy for as long as I could. Not to make the two of us miserable because I couldn't control the desire to turn a short amount of time into forever. But there it was, all my hopes that I finally acknowledged and put names to today while sitting on the edge of the well, reflecting on what I was going to say when I saw him again.   
  
For better or worse, I had put my hopes out there. Now all I could do was let him decide yet again. My hope, or our hopelessness.  
  
The silence stretched on for what seemed like forever, but I kept my gaze firmly locked on his face, searching and hoping. Finally, he shrugged.  
  
"Aa, maybe things will change, but we won't know until then. The fight with Naraku isn't going to be easy, so first we have to concentrate on that. After all," he said, cracking the knuckles of his free hand and scowled, his fangs showing. "I have to kill that bastard with my own hands for everything he's done."  
  
My smile was so brilliant (a weird reaction, yes I know) that had I known the effect of it on him, I might have been tempted to use it to my advantage more often. As it was it stopped him cold in his tracks.   
  
"Hai!" I said and squeezed his hand, pulling him along behind me. Happiness filled my chest. "Let's go talk to the others. Maybe they learned something while we were gone."  
  
His stupefied look disappeared under cross irritation, and he scrunched his face to the side in a cute pout. "Che! I doubt that. Those lazy jerks have had other things on their minds!"  
  
I turned to look at him, my eye brows raised. "Huh? What did they have on their minds?"  
  
Inu Yasha closed his mouth and scowled. "Nothing."  
  
"Okay," I shrugged, but that mischievous gleam was back in my eyes. "So, you never did answer me. What were you doing at the well before?"  
  
At his flabbergasted expression I laughed and tugged on his hand.   
  
Even though he hadn't said anything special a minute earlier, I suddenly felt that everyone was okay again. Things wouldn't be like they had before, but perhaps that was for the better.   
  
He had said "maybe." And that is all I could really ask for. Maybe was, after all, on the hopeful path towards yes.  
  
I spotted Sango-chan, Miroku-sama and Shippo-chan just as we turned the final corner towards the village. With a smile, I turned back to look at Inu Yasha and found a similar smile on his face. Contentment, a little sadness, joy, and, of course, hope. There would always be hope as long as we could be together.  
  
"Ready?" I asked him, both meanings clear to him. Without hesitation, he nodded and tightened his hold on my hand.  
  
"Aa."  
  
Together we turned and walked towards our friends, who held varying expressions of shock, relief, and happiness on their face. I waved gaily at them, a frowning Inu Yasha only a step behind me. I could feel his hand slowly release mine as we got closer to our friends, but I didn't mind. In my mind, where it counted, we were still holding hands. We just weren't ready yet to let the world know.  
  
Now that I think about it, though the trail that we were walking on was one we had trod often before, and would no doubt tread many times more, this time will probably always stand out in my mind as different. For the first time, and hopefully not the last, our destination was the same.   
  
I was home.  
  
~Owari~ 


End file.
